I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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