i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
