Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
