HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
