Are we in a gay sports bar?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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