She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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