and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
