he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
