My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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