Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
