All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
