So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
