I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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