i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
