Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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