No stitches, just platelets and will power
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
