Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
