You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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