So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
