On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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