just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
