So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
