I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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