it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
