I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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