I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
