I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
