You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
