All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
