Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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