she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
