Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
