I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
