If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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