so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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