you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
