You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You ate ashes out of my bong
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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