Duck Duck Cougar?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
