You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
