Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
