I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
