And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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