So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
