She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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