I think my vagina is haunted
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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