So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
