i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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