just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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