I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
