so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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